Happy New Year

Another year has come and gone with so much to be grateful for. Wishing you all a happy and healthy New Year. May this year be an improvement on the last. Make each moment you spend with your family matter.

Goodbye 2017, Hello 2018!!!!

Love to all!
🎆🎉🎊

Autism Island

I absolutely understand where dad, Shane, is coming from when he spoke out on Facebook about his sons forced isolation.  Isn't this just another form of bullying? Maybe, maybe not. Every kid certainly has the right to invite who they want to their own party. But...

My now almost 7 year old son was invited to only one party last year and before that none, other then family functions. No invites for him this year either. Does he think about it? Not really, until he hears the kids talking about a party coming up or one he missed. Then it's an hour long conversation about how there is nothing wrong with him, some kids just don't realize how special he is or that not everyone is meant to get along.  I have seen kids be treated badly because they are  "different". We can't put the blame on children alone, I know that the parents have a lot to do with this. I have seen parents give me looks or directly make comments about my youngest son and MY parenting skills. One woman told me not to bring my son to play dates anymore with his sister. She just felt it was "too much to deal with" for her and that it would be "calmer if he wasn't there". Needless to say, I deleted her number from my phone but only after telling her a few choice words.

Instead of passing judgment, parents should take these opportunities to teach their kids about something outside their own personal box. Different isn't a bad thing. Trust me, I know it is impossible to live in a world where we all get along. Personally, I know I am may not get along with all my neighbors but I am not going to treat them badly because we may see things differently. I will continue to be courteous.  I certainly would never exclude a neighbors child from one of our parties simply because I don't like the parent(s).  I'm not asking that parents force their child to be best friends with mine or have them over all the time. I'm not conducting a social experiment with my kid. It's just a small moment in their lives to show acceptance and understanding amongst their peers rather then being out casted to Autism Island.

Both my boys have the sweetest hearts and our unbelievably loyal, they just happen to have Autism. People that make the choice to exclude them are missing out on a teachable moment for their kids. For themselves as well. Yes, they have difficulty sitting still, they talk too much, too loud, or do not speak at all. Yes, they may not acknowledge you when you address them right away or at all but there are ways to help them participate. Leave it up to us the parents to navigate them through that social experience. They just need to be given the opportunity. You the parents of the "Typical" kids could teach your child kindness, patience and understanding.

Shakespeare wrote "If we’re like you in everything else, we’ll resemble you in that respect." It is simply paraphrasing the Golden Rule but in the story, The Merchant of Venice,  it speaks of the negative aspect of treating others badly and its chain reaction. So I have found that connecting with other like minded parents works best for us. We may not all be best friends either, not all of them have kids with Autism but what they do have are kind and open hearts and their kids share those qualities with mine. Acceptance is a hard thing to find in this world but that falls on us.

In the end, isn't that what we want for all of our kids, to be kind and accepting of others, so that others may be kind and accepting of them, no matter how different they are?


We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!



To learn more about The Life of Reilly click the link.

Kudos to Reilly's mom, Christine and especially dad, Shane, for saying what so many of us often feel needs to be said. Keep up the great work in teaching us all.  And to Reilly, who unknowingly is teaching the world with out saying a word.

A question about Autism

My daughter came up to me today and asked me a question. I was kind of taken off guard when she asked me this question and honestly at the moment, I didn't know how to respond to her. I didn't imagine that at four years old she would be asking me this already. I thought maybe I had at least two years before we dove into this. She asked me "Mama, why does Ethan always have to have the autism?"

We have had her watch Sesame Street's introduction of the new character Julia,  that has Autism. So she does know that E and N have Autism. She seemed to understand it, asked some questions and she seemed content with my answers. So it seems now, she has more.  I took a deep breath, took a moment to think about my answer and came up with this.

"Well, you see Pudding Bear (nickname), that's just the way God made him. It's not a bad thing, it's just the way he is."

She then told me "but I want him to be just like me." Hearing this kind of made me sad. Sure things would be easier if E didn't have Autism but I wouldn't trade him for anything. To me, he is perfect.

Then I told her this, "Just because someone isn't like you, doesn't make it a bad thing. Being different is what makes us all special in our own ways. Why don't we treat E like he doesn't have Autism. Treat him like you would want any one else to treat you. When you see he's having a tough day and a hard time, show him kindness, care, patience and love. That's all anyone really needs baby." I watched her as she thought about my answer.

She sat there quietly for about a minute, which is a lot for her, shrugged her shoulders and said "okay mama."

Then she walked over to her brother, patted him gently on the head and asked him if he would like her to put a movie on for him. She gave him a kiss on the head, walked away to get the remote and called me over to put his show on. It was a precious moment.

I can't say I handled this expertly and maybe some of my answer didn't compute with her but I am happy with the results. She showed care and compassion to her brother. They don't always get along, most siblings have their days where they just don't get along and parents become referees. With E's temperament, it happens more often then not.  Which is why I think my daughter posed her question, out of exasperation. That said, they have really good days too. Where they tackle one another in hugs and cuddles. Those moments much like how this discussion with my daughter ended are awesome.

We are blessed for sure.

With Love and dedication, anything is possible!

Not missing, just misplaced

Just wanted to share this. My son went missing in the house. Since he doesn't always respond to us calling him, it can sometimes be stressful. Since we know he can't get out without an alarm going off or growing another 4 feet to unlock security padlocks, I knew he was somewhere inside house. So really, he was misplaced more then missing. This is what happens when I lost him and here is the strange place where I found him.



Had I only started looking in the places I would least expect to find him, it would have saved me some time.
Once I did find him, he just ignored me and kept on moving on. It was just one of those silent days for him I guess. If he can fit here, I am thinking he may have a career in Cirque du Soleil.

Honestly, I think I will put a cow bell on him. At least when he is hiding I can still hear him. To bad we can't microchip our kids...yet 😜.

With Love and dedication, anything is possible!

Solar Eclipse

The total solar Eclipse was spectacular. Being able to watch it with my children only made that more amazing. I'm so glad the kids got to see it, despite the difficulty of waiting to see it, the constant running away and the worry that someone would damage their eyes by attempting to watch. So it was 75 percent awesome and 25 percent crazy town. We laughed when E said "It's night night time." and then shortly after was super confused when he said "But I didn't get to go to bed."

Still turned out to be pretty great day.

Grateful for Angels

Recently, I had to rush E to hospital for ingesting something he shouldn't have. He was literally out of my line of sight for less than a minute. When he got quiet, I knew I needed to go look for him. There he was eating my moms medicine.

It always surprises me how he will eat styrephone or something like that but he won't eat a bite of rice or chicken. He is so extremely picky but not when he really needs to be. Poison control says get to nearest hospital so I went, no hesitation.

My only mistake is having taken them literally, I went to the nearest even though another ten minute drive would leave me at children's hospital. Instead, I stopped at our local hospital. Which is a great hospital, the twins were born there, just not for pediatric emergencies. In any case, I took him and it was nuts.

They brought him in quickly which I was thankful because he was already starting to act up. Then once in, they wrapped him up in a papoose and immediately IV'd him and took blood.  Getting his IV in was rough. It took 5 nurses and myself to hold down this little three year old boy. He is strong but he was now stressed so he was even stronger.  He screamed so hard and so loud that he actually burst a vein on his forehead. I too was scared for him now.

The intake nurse came in and told me a story of her "typical" daughter eating her cats medication for seizures. She told me E would be fine, if her daughter survived that, he would too. This woman who didn't know me from Adam tells me just what I needed to hear. Basically, I'm not a crap mom and all kids will do something at one point or another that leads them right to E's outcome, sitting in a hospital scared. (Angel #1)

E's health was obviously important to me but I was also consumed with worry of the fact that he was terrified. He kept saying to me "Mama, I scared." At one point he collapsed on the gurney, laying perfectly still and said "I dead." I blame is sister E for that, she says the craziest stuff when they pretend play and that is one of them. E still has speech but is limited, we had a hard time determining what and how much he ate. I left my mom at home trying to determine what was ingested but blood work determined that they would simply keep him for observation. The nurses warned me that his behavior would become more agitated and aggressive as meds work their way through his system. At one point, he looked like a fish out of water, flopping and jolting about. Fortunately, "Not the Mama" was there to help me with him and kept rocking him back to sleep when I couldn't. (Angel #2)

A friend of mine here rushed to be with us at hospital but when she realized she couldn't help me there, she went to my home and helped my parents with my kids getting them each off to bed. Staying with my mom until she knew E would be okay and that my kids and my mom were asleep and calm. (Angel #3)

Around two in the morning, the doctor gave us the all clear to go home. E lay asleep when the nurse came in to take his IV off. He was tired, cranky and scared so we were relieved when he had finally fallen asleep. And was seemingly asleep for remainder of the night. We didn't want to wake him only to torture him all over again. The nurse was so calm and easy going about it. As she sat on floor slowly unwrapping his IV bandage to remove IV, she talked to us. She shared with us that she will be careful as possible because she didn't want to agitate him any further. She mentioned she was on the Autism Board and that she understood E's situation very well. Making it a point to let me know that these things happen sometimes, especially with little ones like E. She took care with him and was successful in not waking him. She once again reassured us that he would be okay. Told us what to expect and do in the next 2 days and sent us home. (Angel #4)

Over all, I am grateful to the entire staff that helped us get through this. Glad that E was surrounded by caring people at Lex Hospital. In addition, I am extremely grateful for the angels that walk this earth with us. All of these women helped us tremendously by being non-judgemental and super supportive. I have to believe that God puts people in your path for one reason or another. In this case, he sent me the mom that had been through this, the calming spirit in my life and soother to my boy, my sister, a friend to provide caring support and the head nurse that was educated on Autism more than most.


Helpful information if you ever find yourself in this situation:

American Association of Poison Control

1-800-222-1222 Emergency call line

With Love and dedication, anything is possible!

Doing my "Business"

Okay moms, we have all been here right? You have to go to the bathroom and do your "business" but who will watch the little kids. When they were babies, you could just leave them in their crib or bouncy. Toddlers, toddlers are a whole different ballgame. The climb, they run and they get into things.

Just when you think they're distracted enough, you hurry to the bathroom, close it, lock it, so you can start your "business" in peace. As you find your calm, there's a sudden knock at the door, a little voice on the other side asking to come in. You quickly respond "NO!" and they seem to go away. You gather yourself so that you can proceed. Two seconds later, you see the door handle jiggling. Ha ha on them, you locked it. Screaming starts. Frustrated they walk away. Now you are fooled into thinking you can have a quiet moment to relax and finish your "business" Or in my case, start.

A another few seconds pass, another jiggle at the door knob, "Dear God he is in!" And this is what happened next…

Doing my "Business"

Seriously, this is my life. I can't even go to the bathroom alone because my son has managed to figure out how to open every single door in the house. Yet somehow, he knows not to ever open the door when daddy is going to the bathroom. Seems I'm just the lucky one. To top that, when they are in the bathroom doing their "business" they kick me out, asking for "Privacy." Can you imagine that, privacy?! They have zero problem violating my bathroom time but here I am giving them privacy.

It's now gotten to the point that I have to schedule my bathroom "business" in the hours between my kids not being home or asleep. I'm sure somewhere there's a doctor who would tell me that that's bad for me. Oh well, that's life or at least that's my life.

With Love and dedication, anything is possible!

A one sided game of Hide'n Go Seek

With three kids that go to school and two that come home on the bus 10 minutes apart, the afternoon is the most simplified part of my day. After E gets off bus, we walk in for snacks. He and his sister have a snack and watch TV, I stand outside on steps awaiting the second bus to drop off my eldest. As soon as I hear bus at the corner, I walk across street to retrieve my son. For a brief moment, the bus blocks my view of the house directly across the street.

Joyfully I walk in with my eldest son, asking about his day and notice my daughter sitting alone where I had left them. E is not with her. I call out for him, no response. I ask her where is he hiding, she tells me she doesn't know. I don't have a huge house, 1,100 SqF. to be exact all on one level.  Everything either has a lock on it or an alarm to notify us if E is trying to get out.  I figure he is hiding on me. He loves to do that despite my telling him he shouldn't. I keep calling his name as I check rooms and bathrooms. All doors are closed but I open and check anyway. No answer, no E!

Panic begins to build up, I begin screaming for him.  Hoping my yelling will snap him out of whatever daze he may possibly be in. Pleading with him to please come out from hiding.  My other two kids screaming for him as well. I search the rooms and bathrooms again still screaming for him. I run outside now panicked. Perhaps I missed him slip out as the bus blocked my view of the house for about a minute. One of my biggest fears is that he gets out of the house and wanders away. He doesn't respond to his name often or on the regular. I was sick with fear at this point, as I live near a large pond, neighbor with a pool and three blocks from a very busy road.

Quickly, I gather 2/3 of my kids, run back in the house for one last run through thinking of spots I hadn't checked. I check all rooms quickly and this time under beds and in closets. One last door, my closet in my bedroom but that has an outside lock and door is closed. It was quiet.  There he was hidden behind my guitar case. "Surprise!" he shouts.  I fall to my knees in relief and tears. My oldest son, grabs him and says "You scared the jeepers out of me! You are supposed to answer us when we call you." He said what I wanted but was to upset to say at that moment. Seeing me distressed, E grabs my face and says "No mama, No." I imagine he meant for me to stop crying. He had no understanding of what his one sided game of Hide'n Go Seek had just put me through.

The idea of your kid getting out of the house and wandering off is pretty terrifying for any parent. Having a child like E who doesn't always respond to you, that is unaware of danger and can not say his entire name or address is even scarier. I can be in the same room as him and he doesn't acknowledge us right away or at all. All though he is improving in areas, he is not there yet.

"In 2009, 2010, and 2011, accidental drowning accounted for 91% total U.S. deaths reported in children with an ASD ages 14 and younger subsequent to wandering/elopement. More than one third of ASD children who wander/elope are never or rarely able to communicate their name, address, or phone number."

-According to the National Autism  Association

That is why we have alarms and locks on all the doors. If he would have gotten out, it could have been a very bad situation.

Some may say, why don't you take them with you outside? One reason I don't take them out with me is because the bus is literally across from my house. I have a glass screen door that I lock just before I cross to prevent them from getting out but that I can still see them and visa versa.  The other reason is that when I do take the twins with me, as I wait they each want to run off in two different directions. Guess I will be popping them both back in the stroller again and deal with the screaming.

I started to think, what if E had gotten out or away from me? Since I can't microchip my kids, yet, I looked into other options for tracking & safety. First thing I did was sign him up for MedicAlert Found for Autism program  bracelet and shoe strap. It is free. This way if he did run off it would have his immediate contact info for  local law-enforcement, hospital  or who ever finds him can immediately call us or MedicAlert to gather medical and contact information.

Programs recommended by Autism Society for child safety

Autism Society

Take Me Home program - Database program

Smart911 - Law enforcement database for Special Needs

MedicAlert Found for Autism program  - Contact band that can be worn on shoe laces and wrist.

There are watches that you can buy that have a phone connection that allow you to track and even speak to your child. These are great but if your child doesn't like things on their wrist, I don't see how it will last. We are thinking of purchasing one and trying it out on our oldest son. I would love to hear from parents if they have tried this for their child.

Trackers - Here are some that we are thinking of purchasing. Since we are not affiliated with any of these companies we don't have first hand knowledge on how well they function. These are just some chosen by features and ease of use. 

AngelSense - Currently the only tracker designed for special needs children, especially those with Autism.

AmbyGear - This smart watch doesn't just track your child, they can track you as well. And as a bonus, you can set up calendar reminders and alarms to help them stay on task through out the day.

Weenact - Along with safety zone set up, a panic button, and two-way calling capabilities, this device covers all the must-haves that a kid needs to feel safe. It also comes with a long battery life—up to seven days—so you won’t have to worry about the device dying while your kid is away. $75. + monthly service

KigoWatch - $170 + $9 monthly service WORLDWIDE Great for people that travel a great deal. Not sure how well it works in US but really like the concept of this watch.

All that is left is to do is more research, check reviews and purchase one that offers what we need. Though I wish I could test them all out, financially that isn't feasible. If anyone reading this has purchase one of these or another type of GPS tracker for their child(ren), I would love for you to share your experience with it.


With Love and dedication, anything is possible!

Outbursts can be a learning moment

Watching my son have therapy some days is a delight. He seems to be on point and his behavior is calm and attentive. Often, E will be laughing and giggling with his therapist. But when he is out of sync with himself and therapist, it becomes far from a delight and more of a tense and painful situation to watch. 

Today E was receiving his speech therapy and I really thought it would be easy sailing for this session and it was, eventually. When he wants what he wants and is unwilling to transition and return to therapy, rejecting to sit is when things become challenging. Refusing to cooperate isn't uncommon for even a “typical” kid. For an autistic child, it can easily be a trigger into a long uncontrollable tantrum. In our case, it is currently dealing with fighting, screaming, head butting, hair pulling and the occasional biting. They can range from one minute to twenty minutes. Sometimes, we have no idea what has triggered him off and it can happen anywhere and at any given time. 

When you see your child behaving this way there is a level of embarrassment but also desperation to help them gain control of themselves. I want to scoop him up and soothe him but I would be doing him an injustice. He needs to learn how to calm down, to control his thoughts and body in order to get himself to hear what others are asking of him. Examples of what I say are “E, look at me” or “E, calm please, calm.”

For me, I find that “E, look at me.” is a great starting point to get him to calm himself. I whisper it so he focuses more on my voice, then I follow up with the request. Once I have his attention, I say it again followed by “calm please”.  Sometimes it works right away, other times it takes what feels like an eternity making me feel like an epic failure. While he is working on calming, my internal volcano is reaching its eruption point. 

Ironically, we must incorporate the same rules for ourselves. My husband and I will tag in or tag out like wrestlers when we see that one's frustration level or tolerance has maxed out and take a breather. This is the thing about parenting, that if you're fortunate enough to have someone to tag in it's helpful. If not, I give all you single parents big props because it's not easy. Each moment with our kids is a teaching moment from us but also for us. If we show them how to stay calm they learn. And of course, when I erupt like Mount Tambora, they are watching and absorbing mamas’ actions. 

Just as I don't expect my children to be perfect, they know and see that their parents aren't either. I take blame and show that I am remorseful. After all, we are trying to raise caring human beings. So after my son has his outburst or tantrum, he almost always says “I sorry mama.” If not, we explain him what he has done and ask him to say sorry. 

A few days ago, my son had a really big outburst because I wouldn't let him run into the street. He tossed himself onto the ground in tantrum mode. As I tried to block him from crawling to the street, he bit my leg, mad dog style. It was awful. Not because he was biting me, all though that was painful. It was because part of me thought, “My God, what must the neighbors think?” He was out of control and my frustration and embarrassment grew. I grabbed him and caught myself. I was worried about the wrong thing. I needed to refocus on E and not care about neighbors. 

After I pried him off of my leg. I told him “No E, you hurt me. No biting. Calm please, calm.” And after several tries, he responded, “Calm, okay.” When we entered the house, I checked my wound to find my leg bleeding. I show him and repeated what I had told him outside. He looked at me said “Kiss?” Gave me a kiss and rubbed my leg “All better. Sorry mama.” And I am reminded that he is still not always in control of himself but learning. 

By no means am I claiming to be a great mom or that my experience will fit someone else's. I am merely sharing how things work or don't work for us, at the moment. I would love to hear from other parents on how they deal with outburst. What have you found to be successful with your child? What has been a teaching moment for you both or as a family?

With love and dedication anything is possible!