He squandered nothing

It's been raining a lot here since you passed which has only made my sadness more so. We bury you today, well, at least they do. I didn't make it back to see you in life and now, not even in death. Six years have past. I regret that you didn't get to see my children. For that I am sorry as I know you deserved more. They ensured me that you will be getting a grand send off, one I know you desired, with honor, dignity and faith.

You who were always so stern but kind to me. You never laid a hand on me, even when I was at my worst nor did you yell at me. Except for when you were trying to help me with math and you never helped me with math again. Sure you were grumpy but I always thought and still do "Isn't that just how old men are?" I always looked past that and always saw who you really were. You laughed with me, sometimes at me, but you laughed. You were caring and affectionate with me, I was one of the lucky ones who got to share moments with you that let me in and see another side of you. I will hold on to that memory. With you sitting on your porch, laughing with great joy and light beaming from your soul. How you would take us out for a morning donut and let us be us, while peaking over your morning paper. You gave us more then you know.

Your life was not always easy you said. That you were young and rebellious. That you had walked away from God and that you were doing everything to win his trust back. You gambled and womanized. You knew you had made mistakes as a husband and as a father. You broke your own promises and regretted those days. You went to War and assured yourself you never would but still felt you had squandered what you once said you wouldn't. Yet you found your way and got back on track.

You will be welcomed in the heavens and I know that you will find all that you lost awaiting you. Wife and son. Your pain and guilt washed away, all forgiven.

Your presence on this earth will be missed. I am grateful for the time I had with you and I pray that you will be there awaiting me when my turn comes. We all felt loved by you. I know I loved you and felt that love always returned. I know you knew this but I feel the world should too.

A great man is being buried today, his soul already lifted to the heavens. A son, a brother, a veteran, a husband, a father, a Grandfather, and a great grandfather who lived life, learned from it, prayed because of it and in the end squandered nothing.

I love you Abuelo! Que Dios te bendiga y nos vemos.

#RIP

End of school year is here

So as the panic sets in and I realize that the school year is coming to an end, I am scrambling to find things for the kids to do while also dealing with the emotional battle of watching my babies grow-up and having to let them do so. I just keep hearing Moana singing in my head,  🎶 Let it goooo...🎶 It's hard but I am trying to do my best to loosen the reigns this summer.

The twins have finished their 4K program and will be moving on next year to KINDERGARTEN. We had hoped that E would be in a typical classroom for kindergarten but he’s just not there yet behaviorally.  Thankfully, he will be following a typical kindergarten program but not participating in one full day.   He will spend part of his day in CC1 classroom and the remainder of his day will be in typical group settings.  It was hard to accept but I know that his teacher and the staff worked really hard with him these past two years.  I can see so much improvement in so much of what he does. He has especially come far with his speech and attention.

Sister E will be going to the same school as eldest brother N next year though she is torn. She loves that she is going to kindergarten and that she will be taking the bus with big brother. However, she feels sad that she won’t be with her “baby brother” E at the playground. She asked me if it was because of the autism (She is so smart) and I said yes. After, she responded with “I hate the autism!” I just didn’t know how to respond other than telling her we would be working extra hard with him so that we can get him back to their school. But if he doesn’t it was okay for them to have separate lives so long as they always made time for each other. She “seemed” okay with that.

Just a note: We have tried to explain to her that she was the last to be born but she still insists that he is the baby. So we just let her call him “Baby Brother” now.  In any case, she will be attending a half-day camp throughout the entire summer which makes us all happy. She can be a bit of a spirited child. 🤣

Truthfully, we will be pushing E this summer to get those ABC’s down, numbers, listening skills and increasing sitting time while reducing his impulsivity. Sadly, there are not nearly enough activities or camps specifically for Autistic children of his age in our area. His teacher teaches camp for two weeks over summer but that’s about all he will be getting. So we will be making the effort to get out more with him and peer play as well. 

Soon N will be completing his school year as well and we look forward to taking him to new places to explore the outdoors. We are seeking to encourage his love of adventure and creatures of all kinds. We promised him that he could pick the places, within reason of course. He wants to go to Africa but that isn’t happening this summer. He dreams big and we love it. I can’t believe he is going into second grade already. Time flies! He is super excited while still expressing some nervousness about what is to come. Lets face it, he's a worrier and it unfortunately is what he does. We just continue to help him through his many fears and worries. He has been doing great and we expect him to continue along this path in the years to come. He will spend the summer taking soccer, zoo camp and hanging out with friends.

We are so proud of our babies and how far they have come. They each are special in their own ways. Though each have their own unique challenges, I wouldn't change my life at all. Okay, maybe I would want a bit more sleep and a lot less laundry but since they are a package deal, I take it all. 

This is going to be a great summer for us all.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!