Losing my help

It has always been so hard for me to let strangers into my home to provide therapies to my son. Obviously I had to be okay with it, he needed the help.  Bedtime became a juggling routine with the three kids all demanding my time. Shower time was easy, I took away baths and put in place a shower routine. Bath times are now special and mostly on weekends.  The running room from to room trying to read and tuck them into bed was still an issue. When I was at my highest point of stress, I surrendered to the idea that I needed an Aide to help us along, especially at bedtime.

Many came and went. One lady actually yelled at my son, in front of me, the first day she started. I was like “Hey NO! GOODBYE!” She was gone before she even really started. We just couldn’t find the right fit until a young girl by the name Holly came to us. She had the right energy and the best attitude to deal with him. She was a Godsend to us. She worked with us until very recently and became a part of the family. She lasted nearly a year before the commute and lack of pay became to much. She told me that she couldn’t continue and I understood though I was devastated. My son loves her, how could I not be. The argument she laid before me made sense. She already had a day job and the night job was just intended to be extra money that was now burning up her funds. It no longer made sense for her. So we said our good-byes for now and try to move on.

We brought in another aide and E really liked her. She was older and a mom with boys so she was able to keep up with the chaos my house can sometime run under. Only 4 days in and she tells me she will not be returning. I asked her did Ethan do something to upset you, was there something she felt she couldn’t deal with? The aide simply told me that this was a secondary job for her and that it was costing her more in gas then she was bringing in. So that was that, we once again were without an aide based on salary & expense. I’m really surprised how these agencies don’t reimburse at least some of the gas expense. If they had done that, it would have made all the difference for us.

We have been through a great deal of aides either because of personal chemistry between my son and them or salary/travel expenses. Now the summer is here and I have no one to assist Us. I’ve gone back to being unable to cook dinner and the crazy of bedtime routine is reaching melting point. I often feel guilty if I don’t get a chance to read to each of them. I have tried to read one book to all three at a time but since they are all at different reading levels, it presents its challenges. Also, its the time of day that I like to catch up on the kids day. Discuss privately any issues they may be having or just give that little extra time one on one. Often, I feel like a horrible mom when someone falls asleep before I am even able to give a kiss goodnight.  It’s clear to me I need a better system. It’s a challenge, I have always loved a good challenge so I have confidence I will figure it out...eventually. In the meantime, the hunt for the “Right” health aide to assist us is on.

Wish us luck.


We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!