Endless battles

Today has been a rough day. The entire summer has been difficult. I’m tired and we are only a few weeks into the summer. I’m just trying to keep the kids busy. Show them a fun summer but E, well, he can be a lot. He requires me present every second of the day not because he actually wants me present but because I can’t trust to leave him for long. He’s high energy and impulsive which is a recipe for trouble.

It started this am with E wanting to watch TV. We didn’t want him to start morning off that way, especially not with the show he was looking to watch. Now the show itself isn’t bad, it’s just that it does something to him. He responds negatively to it. It hypes him up even more than normal and he starts jumping and climbing things. Sometimes I leave him watching tv for a minute or two when I have to go to the bathroom and I find him spinning out of control while laughing. It looks like a happy insane person. I immediately turn tv off and that turns into another outburst. That was this am.

Then we had to battle it out just to get E out the door to go to school for Extended School Year work. You’d think that asking him to put his shoes on is comparable to me putting him in a pit of snakes. He just didn’t want to do it and acted as such.

Finally, we made it to the school and E proceeded to run from teacher into the playground and do what he wanted not what was needed of him. Generally, I like to pick my battles with him and address but I tagged the teacher in. When he wasn’t listening to her, I had to do the count down from 5 and issue the threat of consequence. Today the consequence would be that he would not be able to do camping in the yard. He ran back into the classroom. He was now with his teacher and I would get sort of a breather for about an hour. At least it should feel this way, I spent the time running an errand with the other two kids and worrying about whether or not E was spinning out of control. The teacher later shares with me that he was “High energy” but managed to get all his work done today. A huge relief for me but I knew that this “High energy” was coming home with me and the day was only half-way done. As we try to walk him to the car, E decides he wants to have a picnic, tosses his snack over into the fenced playground area, climbs the fence to retrieve it, opens it and laughs. I mean, he found a way to get back into the playground and get what he wanted. Dumb he is not. Did I yell? Nope just told him he was loosing his camping adventure for that choice. He came running to car.

We get home and I have to prep the house for speech. Thankfully, the speech therapist canceled, vacation, so that was a huge break. For a moment I actually thought about how nice it would be to go on a vacation. Then my day dreaming about a vacation was taken over by anxious thoughts of my child misbehaving or making poor, impulsive decisions that would lead him to flying off a balcony or into the ocean. So there’s goes that....but I will leave my thoughts on my anxiety for another day because the days running around isn’t done yet.

Last part of this day is Occupational Therapy for E. I already was dealing with his “High energy” and also dealing with some really bad choice making. Punching his brother, biting his shirts and food refusal. Now we were off to OT and I was hoping all would go well. He seemed quiet in the car and went in without any issues. The room he was in was silent. Things seemed to be going well for him and the therapist. It’s 4 o’clock, it’s over. He did well. Then I walk in the room, therapist asks him to put the item away and show me what he completed today. E proceeds to scream and kick that he wasn’t finished. While holding him back, she tells me what she is trying to get him to do. He catches her off guard and 1,2, PUNCH! She quickly and quietly walked past me holding her mouth and the look in her eyes said “I’m done!” She didn’t return and though I was worried about her, I knew we needed to leave. I’ll wait and see what the OT says. Wouldn’t be the first OT to let him go. I needed to get him calm, so I did I spoke to him with a firm and direct voice. He said “I’m sorry, I will make it right Mama.” The calm lasted about 2 minutes. He was in the hall and mad again because he WANTED to play. I drag him out, sit him down, and wait for him to be calm again.  We walk to the car and he is enraged again. I wait...I buckle him up and go.

Now E’s trying to get out of his seat-belt and I am reminded that I need a better car seat for him, a better car to go with it. I feel that pain I get in my throat just before I am about to burst out into tears. I know I am not the only parent going through something similar. The only bonus is that he hasn’t bitten anyone today. He gets unbuckled and then I have to stop car and address it.

Make a quick stop at my parents to pick something up. Now E wants to get out. But I just want to run in. While I do that, he is punching his siblings. I don’t fight, I wait him out. He knows what he is doing is wrong. I know he does. The thing is, he’s improved. He was much worse a few months back. I’m just not sure what else I can possibly do to help him with these endless battles. My only hope is that he now shows remorse. That’s progress.

Then we get home. I’m watching him right now playing with his sister and brother. E is doing such a great job and so full of joy. He’s happy despite it all. Oblivious to all that he puts us through. I love him and I just want to help him reach his potential while meeting the expectations of the world. Problem is, I don’t think the world is ready for him because of their expectations.  I have faith and confidence in him that he will get there. It is just going to take him a little more time.

And that was just this Wednesday.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!