A question of safety

Having children with special needs comes with a lot of things, therapy after therapy, doctors appointments, State Insurance reviews, form after forms, 504 and IEP meetings, stress and often a great deal of worrying about the child.

Then there are the typical concerns for your typical kids that parents try to teach their child about. Stranger danger and bullying. We ALL have to worry about our kids at school and the new threats they face with "active shooters". For parents like myself, we worry a great deal about safety. I worry about my youngest running away, darting out, hiding in the woods or heading to a body of water, not responding when called or asking for help. It's scary. I'm constantly in Emergency Management mode for E more so then N. I worry that I concentrate so much on the boys that sometime I forget to check in on my daughter. So I have to overcompensate and make sure she is taken care of as well.

When placing your child in the hands of so many different people, for so many different things, there is this unspoken trust. You expect that they know to keep your child safe. That the protocols you put in place will do just that and with a little common sense, there can be some reprieve in the stress and worry for a little time.

Children with Autism often come with more then one issue/diagnosis. If you have been keeping up with my blog you know that my youngest son has a number of issues. We started with his speech loss. He went from no speech to speaking up a storm. Yet, he still is working on his expressive language and communication skills. E will tell you what he wants to tell you, in the way he knows best how. He isn't able to express pain like others do either. He isn't able to say "Mama my head hurts" when he has a headache or know not to touch a hot grill because he doesn't feel the burn sensation like others would immediately. Because of things like this, I often worry that he will not be able to tell me if someone hurts him. He wouldn't think of telling me or so I thought.

Recently, those fears of him getting hurt and not telling me were tested. As any parent would, you would be extremely concerned when receiving a call from the school that your sons bus was being turned around and that you needed to pick him up instead. What could have happened? Did he do something unacceptable? Was something done to him? They know what he requires and the bus people should know how to meet those requirements. These are just some of the things I thought to myself as I drove to go get my son on the day the school called me to come get him.

When I arrived he was flush, very red, sweaty and hot to the touch. The teacher told me that the bus was hot and that with the windows not open, it appears E could not regulate his temperature causing behaviors. I had no choice to believe her because she told me this and he was sweaty and red still. She also told me that "something seemed off" when she entered the bus, "all the kids were upset" so I took a mental note of that.

As we prepared the kids for bed, the Health Aide and I got E into the shower. It's then when I noticed them...bruises on his shoulder. As I turned to examine him with aide present, I noticed even more bruises around his neck and on other shoulder as well as face and elbow. I was infuriated at this point, grabbed my phone, took pictures and text them to a family member and teacher. I asked E, how did you get those bruises and he responded to me "The big man on the bus. He hurt me.". A fire ignited in me.

Immediately, I wrote a letter to hand to the school the next day to pull video from the bus to see exactly what happened to my son. With a slew of excuses about the bus breaking down and not having access to it, it took nearly 72 hours to finally gain access to the video. Then came the time to watch it. We gathered in the principals office where I requested that the SRO (School Resource Officer) see the video with me. Sitting there having to watch your child be mocked, tormented, ignored and physically assaulted was a nightmare. I wanted to be able to help him but there was nothing I could do. All the time he screamed and wrestled, sometimes even fighting back. I wanted to strangle, no I actually wanted to do a lot more than strangle the man that had done this to him. I wanted to rescue E and all those children who began screaming along with my son echoing his pain. I needed to be calm and rational.

I watched as E became limp fighting for his space, to be heard, to be free of his tormentor. I prayed there would be a savior as the bus driver failed to intervene and help my E. That the harness that held him would snap and he could hide under the seats. I watched as he was mocked as he requested space. As his body was slammed (body checked) and wedged between the attendant more then once and window of the bus, slammed into his seat, elbowed into chest and neck, forced down from his neck. All the while, my son offering up solutions to the adult unheard. It wasn't until the bus turned around that my son was rescued. Pulled from the seat that he was tortured in. E sees his teacher and when she asked "what happened? My son with a listless body, raises his arm with no words, simply points to the man that had hurt him. She takes control of the situation, releases him from his harness and takes him back into building.

That was my nightmare realized. My son hurt and I am no where to be found. Not there to help him, not even aware. It is a tremendous amount of guilt that I carry. I keep going back in my mind looking for signs. Like his recent bought with school teacher, refusing to get on the school bus. We just thought he was focused on something else. He was afraid.

Now we are seeing the nightmares, he can't or doesn't wish to discuss them. If he does mention something, it's in his way which sometimes takes some decoding. He wakes up at night saying that he is "scared" but can't say of what. He's taken to sleeping in our bedroom, just to know we are near. He recently mentioned to his teacher "It's not right for bears (his Stuffy) or people to suffocate, right Mrs. L?" For his teacher and I, we heard a little boy trying to voice his experience. When a 6 year old runs into a bathroom stall so he can cry, fearful that something may be done to him, it’s hard. I want to cry right along with him but he needs me strong and able yo assure him that he is okay.

I'm doing everything I can do to help him. Seeking out therapies and making sure that the man that did this never goes anywhere near him or any other child ever again. I'm angry. It's a tough time for us. There were so many players in this but I just have to be calm and get it done the right way. My priority is his safety and his emotional health wellbeing.

I am still grateful though. Thankful it wasn’t worse. That though we are living with emotional scars at this point, that the physical abuse didn’t leave to permanent physical injury or worse. We have a long road but we will do it together.

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!