Goodbye 2019

Goodbye 2019

You never go into a new year expecting that things will go poorly, it’s about hopes and dreams, wishes and plans for the future. 2019 was a year that presented many challenges and some personal hits to our family.

If you follow my blog you know that my youngest son had a lot happen to him this past year and has been struggling to get back on track. We have been dealing with a great deal of outburst and unexplained emotional meltdowns. It’s been hard because I constantly have to figure out how to approach the behaviors. Is it trauma or just being difficult? How do I approach and deal with him? I’ve chosen to continue the positive parenting approach with “Love and Logic” talking it through while trying to remain quiet, tolerant and calm. He slowly is showing signs of recovery but it’s a journey for us all and it will take time.

Me and Pa New Years Eve 12/2019

 What I haven’t shared with you is that my father was diagnosed with Stage IV Esophageal Cancer at 78 years of age. In the summer, he was told if he chose not to receive treatment, he would likely be dead in four months. 4 months! He asked the doctor “Could you give me one more Christmas with the kids?” The doctor simply said “We can try.”  So dad braved the 12 treatments and we celebrated his last of the first round on his 79th birthday in November. Then Christmas, with most of the immediate family present. We brought in a New Year with him and I know he felt blessed to still be here to do that. We are certainly not trying to take this time for granted, even though sometimes it is easier to forget and pretend like things are okay. I realize our time is limited. It always is really, each day we get a bit closer to our end. However, I’m choosing not to squander our days with the family. I always say “I love you” because I never want him to think even for a second that I never did or that I lapsed in my care for him. He has been my rock and now all I can do is try to be his.

When asked what was I most grateful for in 2019, I joke that it is over but that isn’t the truth. I never would have dreamt any of this for us but life has a way of steering its own path for us sometimes. The news received was like a one two punch to the gut, each time it felt like my heart was being  squeezed out of me. Yet, there have been lessons to take away from this pain. My son has taught me so much, even in the worst of what he is going through. Love is the reason for everything. It can hurt when you love so intensely but it can also give you the comfort and the strength you need to fight for what matters. I do it for my son and my father is doing it for us. I fight for my sons well being. My dad is fighting for his, so that we can have one more day, one more joke,  one more hug, one more I love you with him. We undoubtedly will take them anyway we can get them.

So yes, it was a hard year, and maybe 2020 will still present its challenges, my son still has healing to do, as do I. My father still has a fight ahead of him but he’s doing it with a smile, most days and a purpose. I see strength from both this young boy and this old man. They teach me resilience, the power of prayer and endless love.

What do I wish for in 2020? That love continue to guide us and heal us all. That family be the center and focus in our lives. That love fill our hearts and spread to those around us. To be grateful and to  not allow fear to stop us from achieving our goals in reaching for the stars.

Happy New Year friends. May the love in your hearts spread out to the world and make it better than the day before.

Feel free to share with me what you are grateful for this past year and what your hopes for the coming year are. I would love to hear it.

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!