Lasting Effects

Four years ago, my son suffered a trauma. Overnight he went from being a cuddle bug to a distant and rage full child. He trusted no one, not even I to brush his own teeth. Just approaching him had to be done with thought and care. We have fought so hard to get him to a place where he feels safe and protected. Yet, he still flinches if you approach too quickly, hold him in a way that triggers him, don’t hear him out or raise your voice too loudly.

I have learned that children who suffer trauma at very young age, their parents are told that they will somehow forget it and be fine. I was told this by doctors, therapists and people whose thinking was "Well, it could have been worse." I know this is not true. The memories of what happened to my son, though they are a bit fuzzier now in his head he still remembers, he will still say or ask something from time to time. He may not recall every action taken his body does. It continues to tell him to be scared and distrust even when WE think he may not have a reason. It will tell him to fight because he was triggered somehow. He can't tell you why, he just knows that it happened. He hates that he responds this way. He can't explain his "irrational" response because it's stems from trauma. The trauma he received was an irrational act carried out on him. There is no rationalizing it. He didn't ask to be beaten or to live with the effects from it for the rest of his days but here we are, 4 years later. He still flinches, cries and fights when things don't go as planned, he needs things just so and is constantly seeking hugs and reassurance. Spirals out of control and only returns once he releases the anger in him. It's painful to see him get this way. To hear him screaming, fighting and crying because he just needs to feel a sense of control, to have his voice heard. It brakes me to hear the same words come out that he shouted at the man that hurt him, only directed towards me or my husband for just being parents who have to correct and guide him.

We are human and we know we bring our own baggage to the table too. So we have worked hard. I even harder to ensure his success in overcoming so much that was placed on him. I do the hard work, I take the classes, I see the therapist, I read the books, go to the trainings, fight the battles that need to be fought and argue against anyone who does not try to help him. He needs to be supported, not judged or dismissed as a lost cause.

In the meantime…we tell him he his brave, that he shows courage every day by taking on new challenges and for learning to trust even a little bit each day. We remain always watchful. 

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!